Sometimes I look Back...

Yeah...sometimes I look back. Sometimes...it is hard not to. I am now working in the first organization I worked in. When I was just a naive girl, thinking life was fine and dandy...and I really thought that was how life was meant to be... :-) And driving through the road to the college in the morning, or walking in between the hallways in the college, I reminisce in the past. Just to... understand. Just for closure I guess...

It is a hard puzzle...people, human I mean. With so many colours and characteristics, and to what extend they can go. During the hard phase I went through, I came across so many people, with their true colours. And some even surprised me. People whom I just smiled during a walk through the campus offered words that are kind and still in my mind today. And there was the person you call your 'friends', can turn and utter the most hurtful words to you without any regards to your feelings whatsoever, as if you never mattered to them in the least. It's true what they say, you are at your most vulnerable when you are facing hardships in your life, yet it makes you stronger in a way. I've never cried so much in my life than during that phase in my life. Sometimes I felt like my heart would burst, that was how bad things was. And knowing that NOBODY can help me, except for myself. I got up , walked a few steps, fell down, walked back...and fell again...and again... and again...It was like I was a walking zombie...with other people walking past me, but I was stuck in time... How painful it was...

I always try to understand why people can be hurtful to others...but I never found the answer. And I have quit trying to. Maybe some day I will. And I still walk my life today with the scars I got from the battle I went through. Yes, I came out with scars, not unscathed as I would have liked. And I wish things had turned out different but then again...there is always a reason why things became the way they did. Only Allah knows...

And due to that, I am a different person today. I have come to appreciate things I once took for granted. I smile at things whenever I wanted. I took pains to prolong the happiness each and every time it passes by me. Because I might not be alive the next day to be able to enjoy that happiness. But I am now with wiser eyes... I no longer smile with the innocence I once had.. I don't see people as they portray themselves, but to be more cautious in relationships and making new friends. I have learnt my lesson I guess... I wish I still have the naivety... but lessons learnt are to remind yourself of your past mistakes... and for you not to repeat them.

Alhamdulillah... now I am stronger, with a husband as my rock. To catch me if I stumble, to patch my wounds and heal them. To smile at me and tell me that everything's gonna be okay. To wipe my tears when I cry...or simply... just to be there. And a child for me to nourish and teach things about life to...For him to be a better person. For him never to hurt others the way I was hurt. To use his words wisely. For words that are spoken cannot be taken back. It is sharper than knife. But I also believe EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Very true. It might take you the longer way to happiness, but if you believe... you'll get there.. insya-Allah...