Pain...it'll never go away...Part I

Well, alas...I've finally found my courage to start living my life...I can only say that whatever I have learnt, I learnt the hard way...but I'm thankful for what God has given me...maybe, as my friend Noreane always says, "God works in mysterious ways...".I reckon that is true.Very true in fact.

On the day that I will always remember till the day I die, on the 26th of May, I received a phone call from my husband's friend that they just had an accident at Slim River highway.I was supposed to pick up my hubby at Shah Alam, once he arrives from Penang.I was so happy to see him as he was to see me. Too happy in fact. He kept saying "Ina, abang on the way ni...kejap lagi kita jumpa ye...rindunye..."(Ina, abang will see u in a bit okay, I miss you so much").He was always like that, he always made me feel like I was his only world, his only universe.The phone call from his friend sliced me apart like a knife.I could only say that I would be on my way, never knowing that his brain was injured due to the accident, when he was thrown out of the back window of the car.

Yes, the pain is still there, subsiding, but still there.I would walk at places have been to before with my husband, and I would blink and find tears running down my cheeks.How happy I was..how so very shielded from the world.I used to turn to him and say..."Abang, kita bahagia kan?" (Abang, we are so very happy, aren't we?"). But, as some people say, maybe good things aren't supposed to last...I used to think that I was maybe too happy.I always had that uneasy feeling that the happiness is to stay for only a short while.Oh, how easy it is to blame myself for everything, to think this is all just a dream.But...it's not.The thing I feared most has happened.The person I loved so very much...has passed away, leaving me here all alone.Maybe it's destined that I would be alone...maybe not.I don't know...